The Beginning.

 First, only because I got manners, I was raised in an African home, back when canning was legal. That wasn’t canning though, kwanza what my primary school teachers did to us! The plan was revenging when I became a teacher, I’ve toiled to be one now that am one the government decides to make it illegal! Na wazazi ni GenZ they even got lawyers, wewe jaribu kuguza Jayden nyota ya kufunzwa izimwe, ni sawa wacha nipige nipige matatu kwanza; wanne mia soo Nairobi, hii Kiswahii nilisoma isiende tu hivyo, hesabu nayo natumia kwa leta mbao nikupatie chwani upatie huyu kumi, normal makanga arithmetic’s.  On paper, I am a professional Kiswahili and History teacher, Lakini kwa ground, I’m the guy in that maroon uniform responsible for your daily commute, bora uko Thika road, I got you. Reminds of what Sam did back then, gari inaenda Juja Lakini iko na hadi watu wa Muranga.

 I apologize for the language used in this piece. I tried using the white man’s language only, being formal and stuff, lakini haikuslap. They came, colonized us, decided that even our language was inferior, never bothered to learn it, hell they even brought their own God who has a Son, Jesus, conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit through our Mother Mary, but had a father Joseph, a carpenter. Fundi humbao, sorry, fundi wa mbao. Someone said this is why Joseph doesn’t say a thing in the Bible, imagine the conversation between him and his boys, out having wine, ju hakuna venye walikuwa wamejua form za Gilbeys, the roasts! Mans had seen it all.  I still have questions though, sure I’ll ask Joseph when we meet in heaven, I want to know, did he hit? Like later.  

This Son of God died for us all, actually they crucified him, this is how badly they wanted Him dead. First, they choose some dude named Barnabas over the Messiah, then made Him carry His own cross. Google says He covered six hundred meters, suffered but through him our sins are forgiven. Key word, FORGIVENESS and its only through Him we get to see Heaven. He is The Way, The Truth and that other thing they say, I can’t be telling you everything. Disobeying God, nowadays we have categorized sin, some are acceptable others you people are just nasty. God has His rules which he handed to Moses on Mt. Sinai but that was a very long time ago. TS’ai Lun hadn’t been born yet so the rules had to be inscribed on stone. I believe this took long and Israelites decided before he brings the rules lets have one last mega bash. No rules, everything goes. It’s now thousands if not millions of years later some rules have had to be updated; modernized is the right word, for others we just like hii ata Mungu pia wewe unaona sina option kind of vibe but those who don’t follow and believe in Him are going to hell though. Here is the twist, to the same guy who disobeyed God like you, but mandated to torture you. Brooooh!

 Forgiveness. Just as we did to those who came took our land and showed us this new way. The King is or was in town depending on when you reading this. That king now ruling our colonizers, they even gave him a military guard of honor! See how unbothered we are, You with me till now?  Not, that I am not a Christian, born and raised in a Christian home, my mum is still a choir member pale St. Peter and Paul catholic church, I’ve been an alter server in this same church, so God and I are cool. We have a working relationship, don’t go saying, “Oooh Muigai ameanza kuomba shetani” you people and translating the message given to you. Ignorance, I don’t blame you though, you learnt that from that fake prophet you’re following. Such rumors have a way of reaching home, making my mum panic for no reason, her first born, Baby Boy, amepotea kapsaa, ni Kanisa tu siendi bana! Other than that, am a big fan of The Highest Jah, kabla hamjanza kusema ni ndukulu nasifu! I mean God. 

My point is, we have tried what they taught us and frankly it’s not working, let’s now switch gears kidogo. Try our ways, just for once, hear me out, shut down all the shit they told you should do, you know the normal, let’s try what our fore fathers did. Hell, even revive the Hembho! Wonder what was wrong with praying to Mwene Nyaga, God of Kirinyaga, and offering sacrifices to appease the gods because this is what we need as a country ASAP:

Ama shida was forming the EPR committee?

How do they come up with prices?

What procedures do they use?

 Why are we allowing them to decide?

Na tukajiendea mafuta sisi wenyewe?

 Ju wueh!

 Umeona bei ya mafuta?

Na inapanda kila mwezi!

Na unataka kulipa matatu thirty bob madam!

 SHONOKA!

Anyways, nimewacha feelings. Aya so as we proceed, our constitution dictates that as a law-abiding citizen, I translate where necessary, though I believe that I’m too nice so you’ll just know what the strange words mean, plus wewe ni mjanja you’ll relate.

 Na si kaende sasa…